This just in from the roving reporter and certifiably crazy person who just happens to work for the world famous Rut Roh news agency based in Washington DC.
This is a brief on the meeting with the now the infamous abbreviation MTS, first heard at a high level Government meeting of the men with black suits, white shirts, black ties and dark sunglasses. The meeting was held on xx/xx/xxxx (date deleted due to public safety issues)
Dr Susan Herbertwhatsthatredstuffonyourshirtsikof of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention stood quietly and seemed resolute, and determined to go ahead despite the grim news she knew she was about to impart on an already tense audience. As the people settled she pulled back her shoulders and started:
"I would have warned you about attending this meeting due to the chance of catching this disease with so many carriers in attendance. However, from the description of your homes you are all well and truly infected."
Dr Herbertwhatsthatredstuffonyourshirtsikoff stated:
The pattern is typical of pandemics such as the current H1N1 pandemic but shows the need for patients and doctors to keep an eye out for the infections and treat them quickly. (Buy more tanks people, buy more tanks) She advised her people not to panic but remain calm. This as we all know is Government speak for "run away, run away".
Dr. Herbertwhatsthatredstuffonyourshirtsikof told reporters she holds no hope for people infected by "the disease" but I hope that, "other than trying to fight it they enjoy the malady as long as they are able".
"We are seeing an increase of serious secondary infections around the country, "That is the serious type of disease where the bacteria invades the blood and other internal sites." These so-called secondary infections can follow the primary infection with a virus such as this and are often seen among people who die from altogether too many fish tanks.
Dr Herbertwhatsthatredstuffonyourshirtsikof at this point nearly broke down in tears the silence became almost palpable as she hung her head obviously ashamed, she squared her shoulders took a deep breath, raised her head and looked defiantly around the room and continued in strident tones admitting, "yes I admit, I have it" I also have a secondary infection of Corydorasitus". Others have different secondaries but they all start with the same dreaded symptoms, at this point her voice dropped to a whisper and the audience strained to hear her say "too many fish tanks".
This disease has now been recognized by the CDC and will be known as "Multiple Tank Syndrome" or due to the fact we Americans prefer to abbreviate everything "MTS"
Obviously distressed she continued:
My personal thoughts are this disease was released on an unsuspecting public by one of those Government agencies that we know nothing about to aid in a previously failed stimulus package.
The men and women of the audience who were used to hearing such briefings from the people in power,were obviously somewhat dismayed by this news and hushed whispers were heard.
At this point even bigger men in black suits, white shirts, black ties and dark sunglasses whisked the poor Doctor away never to be seen or heard of again.
So now it is official, enjoy yourselves, the government says we can!
Your resident crazy person signing off.
Steve/Woo
